Life

I almost killed him…

who is him?

Ian.

It was a TOTAL accident! I’d forgotten this happened, until we were watching Good Luck Chuck Friday night and Jessica Alba electrocuted Dan Cook. I laughed the REST of the movie. Not at the movie but at the memory.

Imma keep this short…

Summer 1997, I asked Ian to come with me by my grandma to help me with my car. 87 Honda prelude red, missing driver side mirror. lol I’d tried to start it, but it wouldn’t start. So he comes over and starts poking around under the hood with my Par’rain. I was sitting in the car fiddling with stuff waiting on them to tell me try to start it. That was my job and dammit I was doing a GOOD job of it… When Ian says I think it’s the battery.

I clearly remember the following conversation:

me: okay well we can go to auto zone and just buy a new one.. i mean the car IS 20yrs old.

ian: cool, turn the car off. so i can take the battery out.

me: OKAY

ian: Did you turn the car off?

me: yep

ian: are you SURE?!

me: I SAID yes! damn *and yes i said it with attitude*

(i remember thinking WTH does he keep asking me the same fuking question, SHYT)

The NEXT sound I heard was this very loud BUZZ ZAPP and Ian say AHHHH FUCK!!! as he jumped back from the car.

me: OMG! WHAT HAPPENED?! ARE YOU OKAY?!

ian: (through clenched teeth) LEAVE ME ALONE

me: but are you okay? what happened?!

ian: PATRICE, LEAVE ME ALONE!

(fyi… Ian NEVER calls me Patrice, and I NEVER call him Ian unless we’re mad with each other)

me: I’m so sorry

(ian walks around to the driver side, reaches in and turns the key to the OFF position, snatches the key out the ignition then glares at me)

me: e, i’m sooooo sorry. i thought it was off! i’m sorry!

meanwhile my Par’rain is DYING laughing. leaning against the house for support b/c he is so tickled.

And that my dear e-friends is how the story of the FIRST time i almost killed him. There was another time at work where i almost smashed him between 2 cars, and then another time where i almost made him break his neck/back. But they are both stories for another day.

looking back at how i’ve almost taken him out not one, but THREE times and he has never beat my ass, i should love him forever and ever! I don’t know HOW i let that moment slip to the dark recesses of my mind, but hell if we made it through that then we’ll make it through this!

cela aussi doit passir

Love you Pop *giggling*

26 thoughts on “I almost killed him…”

  1. poor Ian it takes a special person to love u Cancers!!

    What is his sign anyway?

    U know I love the name Patrice! I think it’s a beautiful name!

    Might name my baby Patrice Rochelle!

    Rochelle is Ash middle! Just love it!

    Hey I might get me another pooch!!!

  2. Toooooooooo funny…”looking back at how i’ve almost taken him out not one, but THREE times and he has never beat my ass”

  3. Poor man. Are you one of those black widows Lifetime always does cheesy movies about? You can tell me.

    I figure a near electrocution death warrants at least a shaking and some very angry and mean spirited screaming.

  4. ian needs to run from you as fast as speed will allow! THREE time? DANG. is that some kind of subversive desire?!? lol

    glad he aiight, though. this blog wouldn’t be the same without him.

  5. Seems as if you are a little accident prone. And most of the incidents have to do with cars. Kinda scary.

    And why is that when people are mad at you call you by your full first name, but any other time you are somebody else.

  6. hahaha that was good. he lurv you gurl!!

    i almost killed my hubby with food. i fixed him liver and me and the kids (back when there was only 2) ate chicken. to this day he still says i was trying to kill him cause he was the only one eating liver. damn didn’t nobody else want that nasty stuff!!! not my fault. it was the first time i cooked it…. it was a little green but i thought that was how it was supposed to look. his ass said some of it taste funny but he ate it anyway. DUMMY!

  7. Aiight folks…if ANYTHING happens to Ian, we knooooooow whose responsible right???? LOL

    You’ve been awarded over @ my spot by the way…

    Come check it out for more details.

  8. has he made any attempts on your life??
    let me find out ya’ll are Mr. and Mrs. Smith…lol

    so you call him ‘E’ ..what does he call you?

  9. Ian be careful or she’ll take you out for good! lol By my count you’ve got 6 out of your 9 lives left. lol Ya’ll are too cute!

  10. okay are you going to come pick me up because I’m so ROFL..girl..it’s time like that you guys will look back on and laugh forever!

    Silly girl…*still laughing*

    Go B.

  11. lmao… was I suppose to laugh… because I found that funny as hell… we can get so caught up in our own ish sometimes and him second guessing wasnt helping…lol

    but glad he didnt die!

  12. Oh Loid! I don’t condone domestic violence…….HOWEVA, plz tell Ian I MIGHT be able to understand his point-of-view, LOL!

    I was about to catch my own charge on Monday. You know I had to blog about it ;-)!

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