Life

cela aussi doit passer

***this was written last thursday, put up with password protection, making it public now***

Procrastination
Avoidance
Acceptance
Denial
Anger
Rage
Disappointment
Disertion
Encouraged
Peace
Solemn
Isolated
Overwhelmed

All of those feelings have rushed through me in the course of about 8hrs.

I tried hard to fight them.
Look for the rainbow. Look for the promise. Bask in the sunshine

My normal sources of comfort, became sources of irritation

My comfy little cancer shell was too small and uncomfortable. My refuge was uncomfortable. How does that work?

Shower. Showers always help.
Not this time.

My last resort.

Music, ear plugs, hours of praise and worship

Just me, open heart, open mind,

1st song
Blessed… everybody say blessed, blessed, blessed

Next song
He is preparing me for somethign, I can’t handle right now, he’s making me ready, just because he cares, he cares for me

*tears flowing*

Next song

Bread of heaven sent down from glory many things you were on earth a holy king a carpenter… awesome ruler gentle redeemer god with us the living truth and what a friend we have in you.. jesus jesus

Next song

Say yes… yes yes yes yesssss yes to your will yes to your way, in spite of your circumstances say yes

Song after song after song… praises to the most high. Songs of redemption, encouragment,
Songs that whispered to my soul, whispering gods promises

Songs that brought memories of trials past.

Battles hard fought
Victories won

Not by my strength, not my my power

Not by my good deeds

When was the last time I spent quiet time with god.
Quiet time.

Time with him. Unrushed. No distractions. Just a moment to bask in his presence

my mind slowed down

Just to marinate on his goodness and mercy.

Not asking for a thing

Not partitioning on the behalf of someone else

Not looking for justice for wrongs done

Been neglecting my time with him.

Finally slowed down and stopped long enough to let him minister to me

To ME

To say it’s me it’s me.
I need you. I need your presence
To wrap me in your arms. To hold me and comfort me

Holy spirit fall down on me.

Father me
Mother me

Be what I need

Fill me

Purging me with your love

Father I justlook to be with you

Not worried about the material
Not worried about the health

No stress

Just resting in your arms

Just resting

5 thoughts on “cela aussi doit passer”

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