Life

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I attended a conference a whole back and one of the key note speakers have this quote…

The two most important days of your life are the day you were born, and the day you figure out why.

in nine days I will be 30 years old.

Recent events have my mind constantly going. I don’t sleep much and when I do its not restful. I don’t eat much and when I do its not fulfilling. I used to love being alone. Now the silence is deafening and frightening.

I had a plan for my life. What I wanted to be, the lifestyle I wanted to lead. The family I wanted to raise. Now so many of my plans for the future seem insignificant. Unreachable. Misguided. Lacking focus and clear direction.

What am I here for? What is my purpose?

In my 29years I’ve been through so much. So many situations. Faced so many circumstances. I’m still here. I’m still standing. But I’m tired. Tired of always being the strong one. Tired of fighting for every. little. thing.

I. Am. Tired.

I know I’m here for a reason. I know my struggles aren’t in vain. I know the storms won’t last always.

God you have got to give me a break. I can’t take anymore. I need rest. I need peace. I need a season of sheer bliss. I need your unconditional love. I need you to cover me. And not just for a minute. I need u to cover me until I heal. Until the pieces are put back together. I can’t figure it out on my own. I’m broken. Bruised. And battered. And I am tired. I don’t have any options. I don’t have any back up plans. I can’t do move forward without your help. I need you. I need to know why I was born. Why you chose me. Why you’ve allowed me to survive. Why I’m still here.